random thoughts about random things

Oddly enough I was asked to write up a small review of another movie, and since I’m a sucker for flattery to the point of ridicule, that’s what I’ll be doing. In this case it’s about a movie I thought I had written about, but for some reason completely missed, even though I totally loved it since I saw the first trailer, to the very last moment in the movie that concluded it in a most satisfying manner, even though it was a cam *takes a deep breath*

Shoot ‘em up is not a serious movie on the epic scale of other ones that depict great tragedies of past, present nor future events. Nor is it a comedy that adds comical relief in the form of a poor bastard that’s employed to be funny, and only funny, and still fails at it. It’s not a deep movie that will satisfy the kind of person that gawks at The Birds and spends the entire movie commenting the facial expressions of the actors in the movie, or an entire hour after it exclaiming audibly how amazing Hitchcock is at directing movies, and thinks entertainment is what the unwashed masses enjoys at the local shit-hole ( read: Pub ).

So what is this movie, Shoot ‘em up, that makes me go to such lengths to make sure you don’t get the wrong idea about it? It’s bloody brilliant, that’s what it is.
The whole movie starts with a man chasing a pregnant woman through dark and dank streets, and somewhere in the process they pass by our hero, the nondescript Smith - played by Clive Owen, who tries to not be interested in the hopes of not getting involved. At some point I assume his conscience catches up with him, and he decides to rescue the poor woman from the gun-sights of the wicked man that pursues her. In the course of this confrontation that follows, the first among many, the woman delivers a baby, and promptly dies from being shot in the head in the most anti-climatic way. He decides to continue saving the baby from the rest of the evil men that suddenly appears to make sure the baby’s life is shortlived.

There we go, that’s the start of it. Now I would like to point out that this is a story that can’t really be spoiled. It’s not an epic story. It contains no particular originality ( though it succeeds beautifully at not being recycled and boring ), nor does it present itself as lame in any way. I’d hate to ruin the plot of it, so I’ll stick to a few points here and there.

Our hero that doesn’t want to be a hero suddenly finds himself in a bind. It’s a baby, and besides being cute, impossibly annoying, screaming and sleeping, they need one more thing; food. Mr. Smith can’t feed a newborn baby the same way that a woman can, so he seeks out the only one he knows of; Donna Quintano, expertly played by the beautiful and stylish Monica Bellucci, who happens to be a woman of negotiable affection specializing in men with a fondness for lactating breasts.
Since I’m not the guy for pesky hauling of time, I’ll cut to the chase. She initially refuses, but bands up with him a while later to save the baby, also heavily influenced by the baby-killers suddenly trying to kill her in interesting and, most likely, excruciatingly painful methods.

Your question now is hopefully “Who’re these killers you keep mentioning?”. They’re a bunch of hired thugs employed by Hertz, played by the amazing Paul Giamatti, who probably wished there was a Henchmen/Hired Thug Union that would ensure that someone got paid for their successful dust-biting. As for Hertz he’s a married man, I don’t think he’s all that happy about it, who’s trying in vain to reach his son’s 8th birthday, though repeatedly stumped by our awesome anti-hero Mr. Smith. He’s cynical, intelligent, and amoral to the point that I couldn’t help but immediately hate loving this character. This character is probably the best one in the entire movie, and that’s no small feat, though definately helped by the actor in question.

Since this is turning into another stupidly long review I’ll try reining in some of my enthusiasm and try to wrap it up in an inventive and interesting way, and I’ll also remember to point out that this is a movie that scores serious points by not drawing out any scenes, trying to lengthen the movie, or mucking it up, which I’m trying to do with this review…. *coughs*

In any case, you have three awesome characters, loads of bullets, shady pasts, and intense action that never stops being impossible and entertaining. The story is fun. The characters are brilliant. The effects are nice to look at, though they’re not as much effects as they are neat movements of the camera and rapid movements, which only makes it all the better. I can’t remember offhand if there are any explosions, but I think my brother actually remarked something like “Wow… an american movie with no big boom?!”, so I’ll take his word for it at this point.

It’s an entertaining movie that I’ll definately be watching in the theatres when it gets here, simply because it’s so damned deserving of it, and I recommend it to anyone that wants to fill 1:30 hours of their lives with a few giggles, some laughs, and a bright smile when leaving. Two thumbs up, and 9/10 because it’s damned near the perfect entertainment you want from a movie.

My Shoot Em Up/Hitman Trailer - Click here for the most popular videos

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