random thoughts about random things

Usually I’d atleast think of something to write, although it’s pretty likely that I couldn’t be arsed to write about it, and as such the thoughts remained in my head, instead of getting put up on the blog. There’s a million factors to that, be it motivation, time, inspiration, you know. So now I sort of end up writing about not being able to write, because I’ve got this urge to atleast serve up something to the buggers that persist in visiting the site. Knowing that people visit the site is a massive motivational factors, if it’s because my posts are daft, funny, interesting or just plain waste of time doesn’t really matter in my little world. What I should mention is that this time I just sat down to start writing something, out of nothing. No thinking in advance, no planning, no editing, I’ll just throw down whatever I can think of, and hope it doesn’t look like complete shit. Maybe it’ll be cool, maybe it’ll work, maybe it’ll be stupid as hell.

I might just like the attention atleast, and posts never feel pointless that way. I don’t feel guilty about not posting, curiously enough, I just feel good about people visiting. New, or old readers, I can’t say I know, and I’m not entirely sure if it’s important. So whether or not it’s anything interesting or remotely cool to read has nothing to do with it, as long as I try to keep up a modicum of quality. The quality isn’t there for just you, the readers, as much as it’s there for me, the writer, so I won’t fall into the evil pits of internet lingo retardism where I butcher some poor language with a dull baseball bat with a nail-gun attached to it. Which is something I strive for, not the molesting of a language, even though I can be forgetful, ignorant and lazy, but I will try to maintain a certain standard, or some minuscule amount of quality to what I write. That can be in the form of pictures, links, grammar, spelling, topic or variety. Who knows.

Yet it’s not a conscious choice how I want to write a post, or what I want to fill it with, atleast not in the beginning, because usually the beginning is a massive mess of random thoughts I hammer down before I forget them. Or decide to do something else, or maybe a new thought’d pop up in my head, because I get easily sidetracked. Very easily. I had a massive backlog of about 16 posts, most of them scrapped now because they were outdated or uninteresting to me, only a month ago. Sometimes it crosses my mind to do something about them, post them regardless of time or interest, but I’ve come to the point where I realize that those posts generally tend to fall apart because I’m not really putting anything into it, it just turns generic.

When I do that I kind of cross that gulf where I feel I’m sacrificing quality of content to blog-output, and I have a hard time justifying it. Which doesn’t mean that all the posts I’ve posted are quality, pure and simple. Far from it, but if they lack quality of every kind, I’ve atleast been motivated, regardless of state of mind. Sometimes that can turn my posts into heaps of crap though, states of mind. I can be restless and eager to write it out as fast as possible, or I can be slow and careful when writing. Fast posts are usually the ones I look back on and think that I should perhaps have slowed down and saved them for later, when I can look through it carefully. They tend to lack the quality, though they’ve got plenty of motivation. It’s a tricky balance, because they might end up in the heap if I take too long as well. On the other side, those are usually the ones I enjoyed the most to write.

It might be stupid as hell, but this messy crap I just wrote was a load of fun. I’ll use the word maybe again, that I may do this again sometime in the future. Maybe. It was fun, and I wrote fast and carefully avoid making the post look like shit. Just writing whatever’s on my mind right there and then.

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